Talking About Marriage

Why we need to talk about marriage

Maine came historically close to winning marriage for all committed couples and their families in 2009. We got as close as we did because of the thousands of one-on-one conversations we had about why marriage matters to all families. We have the opportunity in 2010 to continue building support for marriage by changing the hearts and minds of the people we know. In a state like Maine, where a large percentage of the population lives in rural communities, we need people like you to reach out to people you know and have one-on-one conversations about marriage. Your personal story is going to be what moves the person you are speaking with.

Some things to keep in mind

• Create an emotional connection and common ground.
  Common ground is especially important when discussing marriage. This often leads to the understanding that same-sex couples want to marry for the same reasons as everyone else – the emotional, social, and spiritual validation of one’s relationship.
   
• Illustrate how denying marriage to loving and committed couples causes them real harm.
  With marriage comes hundreds of legal and social protections that help couples and families support each other through financially and emotionally challenging times.
  
  
• Affirm people’s desire to do the right thing.
  Acknowledge people’s inner conflict around same-sex couples joining in marriage, but remind them that it should not be grounds for hurting loving and committed same-sex couples.

Some things to avoid

When making your case, you want to avoid describing marriage as a “right” or a package of “benefits,” but include factual information about the security and legal protections of marriage that couples need to take care of each other in tough times, such as unemployment, disability or death. You want to focus on language that reflects how people think about their own marriages.

Putting the tools to use

Before you begin speaking with someone about marriage, you’ll want to have your own personal narrative about why marriage is important to you. Keep it short and present it in a way that people can personally relate to. Your personal story presents an opportunity for the person you are speaking with to connect with their own emotions and experiences. It is very important for you to listen and be respectful of the other person’s feelings and beliefs just as you want them to listen to yours.